Canto

I lie on my back upon fragrant sweet grasses
Gazing far, far into a bright azure sky.
Close upon my sides there rise the verdant
Slopes of a sheltering narrow valley.

And I dream amidst that soft, sweet brightness
That it may ever be thus, enfolded within
The comforting arms of the woman I love,
Her dark perfumed hair gently upon my cheek.

But I dream.
And I wake.
Snow upon a gray land.

Dreaming of the Dead

It hadn't happened in so long. In fact it had happened only twice before. Long ago. But it happened again last night. She came to me as I lay in bed. Dreaming of the dead.

You know dreams, how very real they can seem. Especially when you find yourself in the same place you were when you went to sleep.

That's how it was with me. I heard something, a voice coming from the kitchen. A woman's voice. It sounded as though she was speaking on the phone.

"Well, he's sleeping right now."

Her voice low, smoky, a bedroom voice. The voice I'd heard utter those very words so often before.

Then I was asleep again. I was dozing. Suddenly I heard her speak to me again. But now she was close, standing beside the bed. She softly spoke my name, telling me I had a phone call. I never called her by her name. I always called her 'Sweetheart'. There was just nothing else I could call her.

I felt her take my fingers and gently shake them. She was trying to wake me. Again she softly called my name.
But I couldn't move. I was absolutely paralyzed. I couldn't even turn my head in her direction. I was becoming desperate. I tried and I tried, but it was no use. When I tried to shout I could make no sound. I think I may have managed some feeble whimper. But I can't be sure. Darkness came over me as I struggled to call out to her.

The next thing I recall I was walking toward the kitchen. It seems strange when I think back on it. Because in my dream there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. In fact it seemed to me at the time that everything that had happened since she went away was the dream. It seemed as though I'd just awakened from a long sleep and now everything was as it had been. Everything was normal.

I went to her as I'd done so often before and took her in my arms to wish her a good morning. I felt her arms enfold me as I held her close. I can't even recall now if I saw her gaze. But I remember the feel of her so distinctly. No one else has ever fit into my arms the way she did.

And as I hugged her I remember saying, "I miss you so much."

And that was it. Wham! The walls of warmth came crashing down. The illusion of relief and reassurance dissipated. I awoke in a dark room. Alone. As always now.

I should have known when I hugged her, just a little too fervently. With just a little too much desperation. I should have known I wouldn’t have done so if things really were normal.

But it was when I used the present tense in telling her I miss her, that put an end to the dream. How do you miss someone who's right in your arms? There's only one way. And that is if they're not in your arms at all, but are gone from you already.

Well, at least I was happy for a moment, dreaming of the dead.